Blogiversary and A New Year

A year ago I sat down to write my first blog post, inspired by the quote ‘you only have one life to do everything you’ve ever wanted, act accordingly’. I didn’t expect many people to read this blog, but I found myself overflowing with the emotions that accompany a life changing stage and I needed to get them out. I had spent years reading blogs, from travel blogs to ‘mom’ blogs’ to healthy living blogs. The longest relationship I’ve ever had is with a blog whose author ‘got me’ during my emotionally depressed late teens/early 20s and helped me grow into a happy, strong, opinionated woman 10 years later. I felt that if my blog could inspire just one person, then it would be worth the time of blogging.

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And it has, a thousand times over. I never expected to get the response I have had to my blog. From people I haven’t talked to in 5-10 years messaging me thanking me for my blog, to random strangers in the blogging community treating me like a friend, to people close in my life who are stuck listening to me everyday still taking the time to read my thoughts.

I’m currently sitting on a plane, with 3 hours down and 5 hours left in my travel, typing away on my iPhone to once again try to get some thoughts out of my buzzing head. New Years is often a time that people think about what they should have done in the past year and resolve to ‘do better’. But, for the first time in a long time, I don’t have any disappointment in myself for things I should have done.

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I had a great year.

And that’s not due to luck or circumstance, it’s because I actively took control of my life and chose to make it that way. I broke free of the mold that had become my life. I resolved to not just smile everyday, but to laugh multiple times a day. I had more patience, not just with others but with myself. I accepted the fact that I am not perfect and that it is okay to try things and fail. I didn’t allow myself to settle in relationships, both friend and romantic, that were ‘comfortable’ but not fulfilling. I made note of the people in my life, near and far, who inspire me and I let them know how much they mean to me. I challenged myself. I appreciated my life and reminded myself of everything I have, even in moments when it was hard to see beyond the immediate distress. I fell in love, both with myself and with an amazing man who helps me squeeze the most out of life.

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Life doesn’t just ‘happen’. As the saying goes, crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Break free from the ‘one days’, the ‘I should’s ‘ instead of the ‘I am’s’, the ‘maybe tomorrow’s’.

This year my resolution is to once again be an active participant in my life. To continue to push myself outside of my comfort zone in order to grow. To love more, worry less. To keep being overjoyed with my life.

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And I hope you will all continue to follow me on this wild ride called life, while also enjoying the adventure of creating your own happiness. Happy New Year to all my readers and thank you for sticking with me.

What will you do to make this year memorable?
What is one of your ‘maybe one day’s?

Phoenix Rising

On March 23, 2012 I broke my ankle. Breaking a bone seems like a pretty standard event, a couple months of inconvenience and then you’re back in the game. But, in my case, the experience changed my life. Not the way it happened (it involved some high heels and too much alcohol…) but the series of events after that lead to surgery, paralysis and finally recovery.

I had been in Los Angeles visiting a friend for her birthday. The morning after I broke it, I located some crutches and headed out to Joshua Tree National Park for a camping trip.  I didn’t bother wrapping my ankle, I didn’t elevate it, I didn’t even ice it.  I just thought it was a bad sprain and didn’t want to ruin the fun trip I had planned by causing a scene.

Image(Crutches on sand is not so fun)

When I finally went to the doctor almost a week later it turned out I had broken my ankle in two places. I had two options: I could cross my fingers and hope it healed, with a possibility of it healing improperly and a risk of developing arthritis early, or I could have surgery to install a plate and screws.

Prior to the break, I’d been training for my “summer of halfs”. I had registered for five half marathons, with the goal of finally breaking a 1:45 time. I wanted to get back to running and training as soon as possible, so without doing any research or asking for a second opinion I opted for the surgery.

Image(Post-surgery X-ray)

The surgery was relatively easy. To the disappointment of my friends, I came out of anesthesia without any “David After Dentist” type moments.  I had no doubt in my mind I was on the fast track to recovery.

Then, two weeks later I woke up to the scariest moment of my life.

I couldn’t wiggle my toes.

I couldn’t feel myself touching my toes. Or my foot. Or my calf.  The next week was a blur of trips to my surgeon and two neurologist, all of whom told me the same thing.

Somehow, I had nerve damage and had been left paralyzed from the knee down.  No one could give me answers as to how it had happened. No one could tell me if I would ever regain feeling or movement again.  Without the ability to flex your foot or lift it up so that your toes clear the ground, it is impossible to walk unassisted.

So began the hardest four months of my life. I’m currently a law school student, and I found out about the paralysis about  three weeks before my final exams. Somehow I managed to make it through them, smile on my face, while secretly lying awake at night thinking of all the things I might not ever be able to do again. Run. Hike.  Dance. Climb. Walk.

I went to physical therapy four times a week to receive electroshock therapy. My therapist would send shocks through my leg, watching my toes curl and foot twitch before my eyes as I felt nothing.  I remember sitting in the physical therapy room, tears streaming down my face as I watched a girl running on the treadmill in the gym just outside the office.

Image(The Neuromuscular Stimulator)

My surgeon recommended I get fit for a special brace that fits under your foot and runs up the back of your calf. It was smaller than the boot that I had been wearing, and would allow me to walk. If my nerves never came back, I would have to wear it everyday for the rest of my life. The man who took the mold for my leg and foot told me that he had never seen someone come back nerve damage after this long.  He told me it was a lost cause.

Image(Muscle loss after only 6 weeks)

The day after I got fitted for that brace, I was at physical therapy doing an exercise that involved watching myself in the mirror as I wiggled the toes on my good foot, then tried to wiggle them on the paralyzed foot. The level of frustration was high as time and time again I tried to lift my big toe and nothing happened.

Then, finally. It did.  My toe twitched.

My therapist screamed in excitement and I just stood, staring at my toe lifting about two centimeters off the ground.  With new motivation, I started practicing my PT exercises at home constantly. Within two weeks, I could wiggle all my toes and I could feel my finger touching the top of my foot, even though it was a bit tingley. Within three weeks, I had about 40% of the flexibility in my ankle back.  Within a month I went on my first run.

Five months after the initial break, I stepped on the treadmill hoping to make it a quarter mile. I made it three.  I barely made it out the door of the gym before I burst into tears. I went home and lay on my floor, sobbing with relief, and joy. I hadn’t realized just how terrified I had been at the possibility of paralysis.

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(First run in 5 months post paralysis)

The weeks and months immediately following were life changing.  I had always considered myself an athlete and a go-getter. I had moved from Los Angeles to Colorado a year earlier with hopes of living the true “Colorado Active Lifestyle”, and escaping the cliché LA life I had been involved in. I had wanted to go hiking, learn to snowboard, run marathons, triathlons, try CrossFit. But I hadn’t. I was still drinking too much, eating a diet of “low-fat-highly-processed” foods that didn’t nourish my body and  I wasn’t pushing myself outside my comfort zone. I wasn’t committing myself fully to physical things I wanted to achieve. And I had almost lost the chance to ever achieve them.

So I decided to change.

With the help of Chef Katelyn (chefkatelyn.com), I became inspired to try the Paleo Diet. I cut out all processed foods, and began learning what to feed myself to reach my full potential.  I got an amazing trainer and started training harder than ever before, incorporating lost of weigh lifting, HIIT exercises and long distance cardio.  I learned to climb. And snowboard.  I stopped talking about it, and finally decided to BE ABOUT IT.  And now, I couldn’t be happier.